When did you ’give up’?

If you struggled to BF, at what point did you finally throw in the towel and admit defeat??

With Jae it was her refusing to latch at 12 weeks that did it...Managed to give her some EBM (not all as my supply was terrible from her never feeding properly) for the next 4 weeks, but by 4 months i was dry...

This time around I have been struggling since he was a few days old. I've tried various lactogogues (blessed thistle, fenugreek, brewers yeats, domperidone, lactation cookiesand currently trying a natural herbal mix with all sorts of stuff thats supposed to help) and expressed between feeds, after feeds, topped up with a suplementary nursing sytem, basically just kept trying, and trying, and trying...

Its now getting to the point he fights the latch, and screams at me when I even try and latch him on, wether I'm using a shield or not, even while using the SNS, so milk availability cant be the reason... this morning it took him 2 hours to feed from me enough to get 100ml via the SNS (from a bottle he would normally take 150ml in 15 mins) because he would either scream at me, or he'd be too exhausted from said screaming to suck properly. I dont want to give up while I still have milk (Have been expressing as much as I can and usually get 300-400ml per day on top of the 2 SNS feeds) but I dont know how long I can keep forcing him to feed when he just wont do it... the only reason I'm still digging my heels in is because I will never get the chance to try again he is my last baby and I really wanted to be able to BF at least one of my kids without it being a constant battle

Have you been to see a LC? I would get into see one pronto, even if you have already, get back in there and have a good chat with them about things. This is a good read, if you also go through her blog this link comes up too, read them both and you might get some help. I wish good luck and I hope you can get something sorted soon. If not then express express express, long term it can be done, as the lady in the blog has done up to 19months! Good luck

I set myself goals too... 6 weeks, 12 weeks/3 months, 6 months, 1 year... etc.

Are you stressed or stressing out when you go to latch? I found DD can pick up on my moods and if I am stressed she won't feed from me and gets quite stroppy about it so I often have to calm down and then try again...

Have you talked to LLL? My group has several women who have been through hell to BF their babies (including those who've not made it) - much like it sounds your journey has been, and for other reasons too. But there are women there who will understand your desire to BF against the odds, and no-one will suggest you give up. They may not be professional LC but they have plenty of ideas and will give you as much support as you need.

As for the original question, I think you give up when you've tried everything you are willing/able to try and can look back with no regrets. You've made a fantastic effort for your little boy.

karenB you poor thing! I hope they heal for you soon

BK I'm sorry to read you're still struggling with BF. It's so frustrating when you want to but it's SO hard.

With DS1 he was prem and I think I started supplementing with formula at around 3 months? Up till then we had been using nipple shields, pumping and bottle feeding, taking everything natural I could think of (as I was never offered domperidone by ANY health professional here .. with DS2 I knew to ask but it turned out I had an oversupply with him!)... in the end, it was just too hard - hot weather, tiny baby, huge boobs and first lots of milk and then not enough. Like others have said, I just wasn't enjoying BF at all and even though I struggled to give it up, once he was on the bottle all the time life became SO MUCH easier and I really started to enjoy him.

I am almost at that point now with DS2. Not because of any supply issues or anything, although I found the first 8-10 weeks really hellish as I had too much milk and the same small baby, big boob problem I had help from a breast feeding counsellor this time (NOT a lactation consultant as the one I saw last time was a biarch). I set myself goals - 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 12 weeks, 4 months, 6 months .. now I am considering giving up at 8 months but ideally I'd like to BF till we introduce dairy as DS has reflux which is made worse by dairy .. The main reason I want to pack it in is that he's sprouted 8 teeth in as many weeks and he BITES when he doesn't want milk so I'm being driven crazy!

Sorry, enough of a novel about me I really hope the next LC you see can be a bit more helpful and I second the suggestion to contact LLL. I have a friend here who is really involved with LLL and this time round it was SO helpful having her support me!

Good luck

With Daniel I gave up when he bit me at every feed. That was at 3 months. Nothing I did seemed to make a difference in stopping him so I thought it wasn't worth it cause it was only going to make me bleed and angry.

With Alex he started doing the same at 7-8weeks and my back was giving out from having such massive boobs (H/I cup and my back was already weak from an old injury) so when he bit me at every latch I just stopped.

I'm someone who strongly believes happy mum means happy baby. I don't see the point in hating feeding, dreading it and getting angry and frustrated when there is an alternative that means that I don't have those feelings.

You have done amazingly well to get so far. I only got to 7 weeks breastfeeding, and 10 weeks full time expressing after that. I wanted to breastfeed so badly, but DS had very bad reflux and it has later eventuated that he has dairy intolerance. Breastfeeding was a struggle from day 1. He was born with forceps and battered and bruised so refused to feed for 2 days so he was syringed colostrum, got him to latch on day 3 but could never consistently get him to do it as he had a tiny mouth and I have small nipples, a midwife gave me nipple shields to try and after that he wouldn't feed without them. We got about a week of good breastfeeding but then pretty much from the second week he would arch, scream, fight, scratch etc etc and spill it all back up, and each feeding it got to the point where he was hungry and screaming, I was in tears, it was terrible some of the worst times of my life spent crying on the floor while the hungry baby screamed all night. I tried and tried as long as I could, got advice from midwife, tried to up my supply as it started dropping, but in the end I developed post natal depression and anxiety and was such an unhappy mess, that I gradually weaned him on to a bottle first of EBM then formula when supply dropped off. I struggled heaps with it, I had to grieve the breastfeeding being over, I felt so terrible. However looking back on it now I can see that it was the best decision for us because I think I would have gone off the rails alltogether otherwise. Once I stopped the breastfeeding fight, I was able to start enjoying my baby and he was able to stop having a terrible time at feeds and that in its self was breaking my heart, that eating, one of lifes simple pleasures, was such a nightmare for us both. For quite a while I felt terribly guilty and didn't want to bottle feed in front of people in case they might judge me, but as time went on I have become ok with it, I really don't mind now, I feed my baby he is really healthy and advanced for his age, I don't feel I have done him wrong, I tried my best. He is on neocate and I think as a Mum I have done the absolute best I can by him. I tried to breastfeed, and I'll try again if I have any more babies. But we really had our work cut out for us and we did well to get as far as we did. It sounds like you have had the same deal- a hard time from day 1. I admire you sticking with it so long.

I know it means a lot to you, but maybe you could take it from a different perspective, you have managed to put in such a good effort to breastfeed your bubba and he has gotten so much goodness from you doing that. But you being happy, and him being happy, are even more important in my opinion. You have been fortunate enough to have the breastfeeding experience even though it has been really tough with all your bubs, you have done it, you have tried your best and tried so hard when some wouldn't even try, and that's something to be proud of. However your bub gets feed, you are a good mother because you want the best for him. I think it will feel like a huge weight off your shoulders when you give up the fight, whenever you're ready, I know it did for me. I think its important to grieve it when you do, then move on to being happy with your bub, especially as he is your last you don't wana look back on that first year as a really hard time...

I did what High9 said, set goals. Its why i have the breastfeeding ticker because he is making it really bloody tricky. I am going to get to 6 months then re-evaluate. Though hopefully by then i will tell myself to get to 8 months and re-evaulate then. I second what everyone else has said about happy mom and happy baby. If the second LC you see trys to put you in the too hard basket i seriously recommend showing up to a LLL meeting. They seriously saved my bfeeding relationship with DS. You can take J with you too, ours is always a mess of toddlers and older kids, some woman even do PORSE and bring their extras along too. Or if that doesnt work what about a plunket family centre? Or breastfeeding works counsellours?

DS isnt as fiesty about it as your wee guy but last week he's gone on strike. I've been getting him in a nap and me topless and holding him the cradle position but not attempting to latch, he twists and turns and pulls his head as far away from the dreaded nipple as possible but most of the time, after 10 minutes or more sometimes, he plonks his head round and latches and sucks like a madthing. I know you've got a toddler too and busy busy so don't have the luxury of sitting around all day skin to skin. You wear him in a wrap sometimes though right? Maybe get nakey and him nakey and wrap you both up. You'll get coverage from the moby but you get to skin to skin at the same time. That sounds like such useless advice, but worth a try, right?

Ooooh big latch on is a good goal! I steal that now, thanks!

Yay for finding something that works - and that the LC was helpful even if she couldnt provide a magic fix. Man, i hope he gets bigger and goes OH BOOB and then in three years time you'll be posting like help, how do i wean him!?

Shhhhh don't say things like that, that means we're almost half way!