Dreading today.

They were supposed to have landed 7 minutes ago. Their plane has been delayed. Who you ask? They are DH’s aunt and uncle from Newcastle in the UK. She is his father’s sister.

I don’t want to meet these people. I don’t want them near me or my kids. Why?

They don’t acknowledge me. They don’t acknowledge Conor. They do however acknowledge Craig, Nyah and Cooper; quite simply because well they are DH’s kids. The fact that I’m DH’s wife doesn’t seem to mean much. The fact that I had a son before I met Craig doesn’t seem to mean a lot either, that DH is Conor’s stepfather doesn’t matter either.

DH and I have been together for 9 years, married for 4 in May. They have known about us for that entire time.

At Christmas time they buy Nyah beautiful presents. DH’s parents give Nyah those presents. They “hide” them in with their own ones so I don’t know that she’s received a present and Conor hasn’t. This has been happening since Nyah was born. Each year it upsets me more, each year I tell DH how it upsets me. He does NOTHING.

I have the most amazing headache, because I am stressing about this afternoon. We have been told that we are expected to go DH’s parent’s house for a bbq. So I am meant to sit in their house with these people who I’ve never met, yet despise more than anything.

I’ve been sitting here trying to work out how I can prepare Conor for this. The comment has been made that they will be bringing clothes and gifts over from the UK, and I know that there will be nothing for Conor. On Saturday I tried to talk to DH about it, tried to explain to him how I was feeling about today, he just said that it would be ok. But it won’t, I’ve already decided that. If DH doesn’t say anything or stand up for my son, I’ll be so hurt and angry, and I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to forgive him.

Mum offered for Conor to go their house, so he wouldn’t be put into an uncomfortable situation, because he can’t handle those very well. He needs to feel safe. What will that achieve though? My parents are really worried about today too; they know Conor better than any body.

I need some advice, how do I “deal” with these people? What do I do if they are horrible or indifferent to Conor? What do I do if they are the same to me? What do I do? I have to expect the worst, it’s in my nature, and it’s the way I handle things. I’m normally quite a strong person, I’ve had to be; Conor and I are have been to hell and back in the past. Today I feel weak and miserable and scared for my baby.

Remember too, that DH’s parents are just as bad as these people. They are very indifferent to Conor; they don’t treat him like one of the family. I get along with them because I have to.
Example: For Easter Nyah got two Pumpkin Patch T-shirts and allsorts of chocolate. Cooper got PP jeans and a polo shirt. Conor got a t-shirt from The Warehouse and one hollow Easter egg.

I really feel stuck at the moment. Help!
We are supposed to be going over there at 5.

Also (just had a less horrid idea to everyone ) maybe you could get your DH to suggest that instead of buying cooper and nyah presents, they deposit money into their bank accounts (if you have them) that way no one has to know they're favouring them, and they can still treat their favourites.

I think it was nice of your parents to suggest Conor going to their place, but then it's only making the situation more noticeable with Conor, and only Conor, not being there. He will grow up thinking that anything to do with Craig's family, he's not involved in or invited to. And being the oldest, he'll pick up on that. I hate going to inlaw gatherings, and it's not nearly as bad as what you have to put up with.

I probably would bail, and not go or let any of the kids go. If Craig is upset by this, then perhaps he'll realise how much of a big deal it is to you, with how they treat Conor and how that makes you feel.

I feel for you Mel, all the best hun!

Grab the kids and come hang out with me, my family have all abandoned me so the gremlins and I are just hanging out.
Failing that, fake a migraine. Or faint. Or both. They sound like poisonous people, I wouldn't want ANY of my kids near them.

I've decided that we'll go. I told Conor while DH was in the shower, that if he feels uncomfortable at any stage that he is to tell me and we'll leave straight away.

Sister is on stand by to pick us up if need be.

If I have anything to do with it we'll be home by 7! 2hrs including travel time is enough!

If you get too stranded, I have chocolate! No car to come get you, but I have chocolate

good luck - i hope that maybe the rellies just dont know what a great kid connor is yet....

Hope it goes well, we are in a similar situation to your in-laws, my brother has a new partner who is lovely and she has a daughter from a previous relationship, and a lot of it is that we aren't exactly sure how to treat her.

Is she my niece the same as my brothers own children? Do we acknowledge her birthday and give Christmas presents?

Maybe you need to be clear with your expectations to DH and have him explain it to his family.

Personally I would go with your DH and present a united front, and support him.

Man inlaws can drive you balmy!

I would go ... but then I dont mind confrontation to protect my own  you never know ... they may be extra nice in person .. Ive found that people can be nasty behind your back but they find it harder when you are right there!

Oh Mel... that sucks in a huge way.

I love Bizzy's suggestion but other than that, I hope you can let them know that it is hurtful that they ignore poor Conor.

xo